I was just thinking so I wrote this down. It's not complete and this is not directed to any particular young man. I may do the same for the woman who would date my son.
To the man who would date my daughter...
Do not think that the word "man" is a generic term that applies to any male. More than anything, I want my daughter to have a relationship with God and a relationship with a good man. If you are a little boy in men's clothing, please keep moving. If you don't know what I mean by "a good man", please return to your play ground of little girls who think you rudeness, arrogance, and stupidity is cute. Come back when you grow up.
Do not think that you love her more because you hold her hand now. I've been doing that for years; almost as long as you've been alive. And, if you mess up, I will be the one doing it again.
Do not think that you know her better because of your "special bond". You are not the first boyfriend who thought that. But when the dust clears, I'm the one still around.
Do not think that, if she and her parents have issues, that it is ok to be silent or encourage her to not work things out with us. Teaching her to hate or become distant from someone who loves her may be sowing the seeds of your own destruction. What will she do when you are suddenly that person who "doesn't understand her"? And that will happen someday.
Do not think that helping her get around rules, lie to her parents or hide the truth "so she won't get in trouble" is doing her any favors. Someday you may have a similar situation, and you have now shown her how to handle you; that hiding from and lying to someone you love is ok.
Do not think that we (her parents) are oblivious to sex. Just because you think she's ready, doesn't mean she's ready. And just because we don't think that you should, doesn't mean we're old or old fashioned. If you believe sexual purity and commitment are arbitrary religious rules not to be considered important, I pray she remembers that you think this way before she considers dating you or especially before she commits to you in marriage. Because if you think that way now...
Lastly,
Do not think that, because you are now the man in her life, I am not there. I may step back and even sit in the shadows. But she is my daughter under my protection until she becomes your wife. And even then, she is still my daughter.
AMEN!
ReplyDeleteI am having to start thinking of these issues and I am tending to be "old fashioned" in a few things myself. I have come up with my own set of rules, so far only 2. Rule number 1. Before you can "date" my daughter you must get my permission. There are no exceptions to this rule. I want to know you myself before I let her get to know you too much better. Rule number 2. You are not allowed to "Date" my daughter but to court her. If you can't figure out what that means, you aren't ready for her.
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